On the Concept of Belief

One thing I've noticed is that within the Bible there doesn't seem to be much questioning of the existence of God. I don't believe though, that the point of these books is to prove God's existence, but this question is probably one of the most prevalent questions of our time.

Does God exist? my answer- I don't know.

I consider myself an agnostic, I don't believe there is sufficient proof for the existence of some being higher than us, and I just can't bring myself to have faith in something I cannot see or even ever know. For me this means that I'm open to the possibility of God, that my scientific and truth seeking mind cannot allow me to believe that a God can exist. As Robert Langdon says in the famous book and movie Angels and Demons by Dan Brown, "God did not bless me with the gift of faith." I like to use this statement for myself because from time to time I have people ask me if I believe in God, because this statement puts a very good light on not believing. I just couldn't keep saying that I believed when in reality I wasn't entirely sure that I did, and I'm still not sure, but at least I'm not claiming something that isn't true anymore, at least I'm not lying to myself.

Personally though I believe the issue is much bigger than straight up belief. I think we have to question why the concept of God was created in the first place. And that of course was to explain the origins of our surroundings. In order to explain the how and why of existence. But now we have scientific evidence that refutes the stories used to explain these things, and even more we have received more answers on the how of existence in the last 300 years than ever before, and we are continuing to gain answers about the human anatomy, the brain, the universe, and about physics as time progresses. But these studies don't give an answer to the why of existence.

What is the why of existence? Is it just something that randomly happened in the universe as scientist's might claim? Is it because we are supposed to experience all the quirks of life as a precursor to something bigger? Is it for our experiences alone? Is it so that we might find definition for ourselves individually or as a group? Why? Why? Why? Why? I honestly don't know, and I don't think I want to know. But maybe that's where God exists, is in our inability to know this ultimate question. For me, I can't bring myself to believe for no other reason than that I have no answers. I'm not strong enough to convince myself.

Many people would then question what is the point of life, and I would tell them to experience the ups, downs, and in betweens. To observe and to create. To strive and to relax. To wish for everything and to receive nothing. To see pain in another person's eyes and to try to comprehend that pain by relating it to those times when you yourself have experienced pain. To try to define yourself in the best way possible. And finally to ask the questions pertinent to life so far as they have an answer, because the questions that don't have answers will only give you a headache, much like what I have now.